I have always subscribed to the notion of not letting other people define who I am.  Yet when I am faced with the task of providing an encapsulation about myself, my mind processes a myriad of simultaneous, seemingly disconnected thoughts.  Am I to define myself, as so many in our culture do, by my job title?

While one’s job may reveal an individual’s abilities and talents, it may also offer no meaningful reflection of the makeup of that individual.  Indeed, how many of us are “underemployed,” where we feel stymied, unable to showcase our true aptitudes and gifts?  Moreover, there are too many extenuating factors that may lead one to choose a certain occupation (e.g., family responsibilities, economic trends, financial compensation, status, ease of commute, etc.).  A person’s employment choice may be more indicative of an individual’s current set of experiences than anything else.

While I am an account manager for a merchant account company, this has little bearing on how I see myself or how others should see me.  It is interesting to note that certain relatives once found me to be exceedingly bright … at least when I was an actuarial cost analyst.  The same relatives began questioning my intellectual capacity when I changed professions, serving as a school guidance counselor.  And now in my present position, my IQ has decreased dramatically in the eyes of those same relatives.  But their vision is myopic as they are confined by the narrow dictate that job = intelligence.  Of course, in society, we replace that equation with a number of absolutes: Job = success; job = power; job = prestige; job= $.

So I generally discard the notion that job = me.  But do I see myself more by the role I fulfill in my personal life (i.e., my spousal, parental role)?  I am much more inclined to embrace this criterion for self-description as there is no more important function than as a husband, and particularly, as a dad.  I have been happily married for 13 years to my wonderful wife, Jackie, and blessed with two precious sons, Matt, age 9.5, and Scott, age 6.5.  And it is through my parental responsibilities that I continue to evolve, mature and grow increasingly wiser.  Matt has taught me to experience more joy in my life, to laugh more and share in peak experiences.  Scott, diagnosed on the autism spectrum, has reinforced the notion of never giving up, to persevere despite all obstacles, to appreciate small gains, and not to ever take anything for granted.

However, the all-important hats of husband and dad still do not offer an all-encompassing picture of me; they merely provide a snapshot, albeit a vital one.  A list of strengths and weaknesses shed further light into my soul.  I am very conscientious, dependable, determined, compassionate, caring, honest, inquisitive, capable, loyal, and sensitive.  I am also disillusioned, cynical, pessimistic, easily hurt and overly emotional.  The trick is to enhance my positive attributes and simultaneously work on so-called liabilities.

I realize the notion of who I am is influenced by the notion of who I want to be.  In simplest terms, it is this incessant quest to reach my own potential (i.e., to manifest my own personal best) that underscores my choices, my drive and my commitment.  Too many of us are complacent and do not do the crucial work of self-reflection.  A philosopher once said that a “life unexamined in not worth living.”  How true!  I am a work in progress and know that true growth can only be attained through the process of self-examination.